By Julia

Hi, I’m 5 feet tall. As is my mom, my grandma, and a long trail of women in my family.

I’m not particularly angsty about it. In fact, I like that if I lose my job I could live in my old Barbie Dreamhouse. Buying children’s shoes are cheap and convenient, so is wearing a skirt as a maxi dress, and having less leg to shave never gets old.

But the same jokes every day do. I’m never offended for the record, but these just got old around the time we stopped growing.

  1. How’s the weather down there? Literally the same as it is up there. How was science class? Did you pay attention? The Accuweather forecast this morning didn’t give a separate index for 5’5″ and under, so.
  2. You’re not short you’re fun-sized! Do you steal all your best lines from $4 Walmart shirts?
  3. Can I pick you up? No. No you can not. Do we look like a f****** chihuahua? Are we supposed to start licking your face or cooing like an infant? Go home.
  4. I just want to put you in my pocket! You really don’t, though. That would be extremely uncomfortable and we’d just whip our leg around and likely kick you in the 🙂
  5. How do you reach the pedals to drive? Well, you know that bar that comes under seats? Or the little button on the side? CRAZY HOW THAT THING WORKS.
  6. I could use you as an armrest! We’ll consider it when you invest in stronger deodorant.
  7. Wow! You can eat a lot for someone who’s so small! ………………………..      

What other ones are you tired of hearing? Sound off below!


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