With summer popping up soon, that means somethings will be popping out.

Such as your boobs.

It’s all fun-and-games when your first date is at a water park… yeah… cool, waterslide sounds great. We haven’t even made out really, but here’s a nice view of my left boob that decided to make its appearance. Or wooow thanks for inviting me to be your +1 to that wedding full of your family I haven’t met yet. This dress I’m wearing… well, it’s backless. Sticky boobs are a hilarious joke, considering they stick about 30% of the night before they slide down and I get stomach boobs. So now I’m chatting your dad at the open bar, and sliiiiiiiip… SHE’S OUT TO SAY HI AGAIN!

Being a girl is a lot of layering we never asked for. So when I asked Metro Detroit, “Hey, where’d your boob pop out?”, answers like Kalahari, St. Andrews, I-94, and plenty other well-known places weren’t surprising.

Waterparks may as well keep a tally in the back for how many make their appearance in one season.

Tips for keeping your boob from popping out at the waterpark this summer:

  1. Don’t go
  2. Wear a scuba wetsuit
  3. Wear a scarf with your bikini. Fashion.
  4. Develop an allergy to water
  5. Duct tape your bikini to your skin. Multiple layers of tape. High fashion.


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